Why I’m a ‘selfish’ mother…

Could two words ever be more of an oxymoron? The very definition of being a mother is giving up part of your body to grow the life of another, but to some, I could be categorized as a selfish mother. Maybe not the kind that never does anything with her kids, or is abusive, or neglects her children, but the kind that doesn’t give up everything she is to be what her kids ‘need’.

selfish mom

I see people post this quote quite a bit. I can honestly say ‘clubbing’ isn’t a passion of mine, I’ve always loved disney movies, and am thrilled when I can go to bed by 9 pm, but I know there are people who are different than me with different ideas of what’s fun, so why should I judge? I’m not saying you should be spending every waking hour doing everything that makes you happy, but why do we have to have it one way or the other? Why don’t we make it easier for husbands and wives to spend time together? Is it possible that divorce rates would be lower if we were more concerned about the foundation of the family than giving our kids the latest toys/gadgets/everything they could ever ask for?

I guess what I’m trying to get at is, why are we branded as ‘bad parents’ or ‘selfish’ when we choose to do things for ourselves from time to time? Maybe we should work together to give each other that time off, so that the time we spend with our children will be that much richer. And don’t think this is the plight of a mother who is justifying her selfish needs. There are a number of reasons we should put ourselves at least towards the top of the list from time to time. One-our sanity, two-improving the quality of time with our kids, and three-teaching our children there is more to life than just them, to begin with. If we are allowed to blow off steam every once in a while, it doesn’t build up and go off on our children.

Newsflash, I deal with guilt about whether or not I’m a good mother. I feel the pressure of the mother’s who do the crafts and little activities with their kids. I wonder if I’m doing enough to make my boys into gentlemen. I question my ability to raise good Christian men. And I know there are women who can ‘do-it-all’ but I’m not one of them. So for those of you who can be super-mom, please remember to take it easy on those of us who aren’t up to the task. The last thing we need is more of a reminder of our short-comings….selfish mom


4 thoughts on “Why I’m a ‘selfish’ mother…

  1. “more concerned about the foundation of the family than giving our kids the latest toys/gadgets/everything they could ever ask for?”
    I LOVE this! I made my daughter earn her own money for a kindle fire she wanted when she was 10, simply because she told me one time when I bought myself a new shirt, ” you can buy yourself things but you won’t buy me a kindle?” As a single mom for almost 12 years, I completely agree that parents need to be a little selfish sometimes. I wouldn’t be near as sane as I am now(not saying a lot:) if I didn’t have my “me” time and every so often splurged on a new shirt, or maybe even a rated PG-13 movie! Lol

    • So glad I’ve had some good feedback on this! One thing that struck me about this today too is how we teach our kids to let others treat them or even how to treat others. If we always do everything for them, how will they learn to do things for others? It amazes me the mothers that either feel guilty for doing things for themselves or, even worse, the ones who put guilt trips on those of us who need some personal time. I was raised that the ‘chain of importance’ is God, spouse, then kids and so on. It’s very sad to me that people sacrifice their spouse to please their kids. Anyways, I could go on even more, but like I said, I really feel good that I have support on this subject 🙂

  2. I know I’m not a mom, but this seems pretty smart to me. I don’t get these parents who feel the need to indulge every whim of their child. Nothing good seems to come out of that, just a sense of entitlement and inability to handle rejection and the word “no” later on in life. As far as buying/doing things for yourself goes, I see that as only benefiting your kids. As you both mentioned, sanity alone is a good enough reason! Plus, I think it also can teach them that you have value and are deserving of special treatment from time to time too 🙂

  3. Pingback: Despicable Me… | thesavvysister

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